it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
