Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
