just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize