hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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