She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
