If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
