i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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