Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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