Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
