We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
