I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
