I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My liver just broke up with me...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
