there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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