Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
