The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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