Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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