there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
