You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
