His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How does one acquire holy water?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
