I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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