dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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