If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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