I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
