He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
