That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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