I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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