Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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