You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
