...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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