and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
