We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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