in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
