You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
