For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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