Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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