it's not cheating when I paid for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
