Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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