I accidentally had phone sex last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
