Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
