Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
