we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize