apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
