I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
