I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
