My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
