Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
did i walk over a car last night?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
