I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
