If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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