Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
