I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
