Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
