I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
