He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
