I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
