I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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