Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
BRING THE BAGELS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
