i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will pee on everything he values.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
