Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
