I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
