We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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