STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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