My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize