we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
