But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jerry, you need to find god
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
