You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
